It ticks me!

I.m. in. angry. mode. I suppose. super. angry.

Coz I’ve been cussing (secara dalaman tho) since 8pm: 25/09/09. Clock now shows 2.23am – 26/09/09. Pheww..talk about being ’sour’ for the past 6 hours! The fact that I kept the cussing to myself,; not being able to blurt all the Fs and the BSs, made the anger lasted so long. Duh. Fergie said (or sang)…”Big Girls Don’t Cry”..but I guess “Big Girls..Cuss a LOT!”. lol. We just came back from the Arthur’s Day 250 Years Celebration in Sunway. I was hoping to have a bloody good time but the rest of the night was spoiled due to my ‘in-acceptance’ of that particular situation. If I had the car to drive myself back at that point of time.I would just skipped the whole B.E.Ps thing. I was furious! so I switched to silent-mode. Talking when you’re angry will only lead to stupid-fights. The anger I was in became so overwhelming, I feel ready to explode. Since I’m a lot ‘better’ now in controlling my so called anger (where previously I will most probably be clenching my fists), I decided to navigate away from the whole ‘emotional-disturbance’ by keeping my mind focus on the thumping musics. How I hope he knows what makes me tick. But then I question myself – How would he know what makes me tick if I never tell? Reason: He would never understand even if I ‘tell’ him because for him, it’s not something to be ’sour’ about. Eleanor is just being idoticly-sensitive. Yeah. Then all the guilt part comes back to me. So why should I tell. Sometimes keeping silent is the way to go…although it makes me feel like I need to stick my finger down my throat. Urghh.

It’s safe to say that I actually can ‘feel’ whether a particular person is a ‘yes’ vibe or a ‘no’ vibe when meeting them for the first time (does this gives the impression that I judge people too early? Blame the Gemini ‘power’ I have) So when the percentage of the ‘no’ vibe is a 150%, I would rather maintain a good minimum 1km distance. I’m nasty. at times. I give chances but few. If in any case I have to be in that 1metre circle and conversations are involved, I’ll be itching to make excuses and leave. OMG! reading back what I just wrote makes me sound so fcukinly-scary! But won’t be deleting tho. Blogging while you’re mad might only lead to nonsense, right? No? No.

So I started to have all these thoughts inside  my head. Possibly I should just let everything go. Again. Which I do best in life.

I’m going back to KK tomorrow. yey.