♥ Unpredictable Pleasure ♥

There are times that I wish I could just keep my eyes shut and the moment I open them, everything will turn out exactly as how I wanted it to be…but I know life is not that suhh-weet and easy. Am currently going through a phase where I am actually anxious of what is happening and going to happen in future. I do not want to sound as if I am exaggerating the whole situation (being a ‘drama queen’ is so not me). If I was ever caught creating some sort of commotion or being ‘extra dramatic’, it was all intentionally and perhaps, I was honestly just kidding (read: I’m covering up /saving my own ass but really…how a lame me can be so ‘exciting’?)

I am somewhat lost. Err.. I’m using the wrong word here…the correct word is ’stuck’..so let me rephrase that ~ I am somewhat ’stuck’, as I have a lot of things to put in mind and actions, but do not know where to start. Actually I do, but I’m just exultantly strutting and lazing around, ignoring the fact that I need to settle these things a.s.a.p. I feel like tapping the back of a random person, give him a list of things to complete and say “Could you do the thinking /job for me and come back once everything is perfectly done? I’ll bring you out for lunch in return ok?”. Possibly, I’ll just get that “are-you-crazy??” look. I am happy with the present transition that puts the bling back at all the right places. I am however not sure if I am ever ready to have that particular bling on my finger yet *rolling eyes*.

Being extra more cautious, I tend to be very, very particular with even the smallest and slightest matter…that resulted in me being extra more sensitive with hanky-panky issues. The emotional-stupidity shuttle has landed, with a big ego..and it may stay for a much longer period than I expect (commercial break: sudah ada ‘extra’, ada ‘more’ lagi. Apa punya Inggeris nih! Duh.)

To think back, I guess the thing I’m scared most about the present and future is…having responsibilities, fix commitments and the need to make decisions. I suck at making decisions. Seems like I always, always make the wrong ones. Maybe, it’s due to my lack of good judgment, the difficulty of differentiating what’s healthy and unhealthy for me. Silly eh…I’m becoming 24 years young this ‘09 and now only do I talk about it. lol. Owh well…How am I ever going to ‘grow up’ without accepting the fact that I need to ‘behave’? …though I know it’s as simple as reducing this and concentrating more on that (‘this’ & ‘that’ has yet to be determined).

P/s: and so I tell myself, having the usual exuberance is of no compromise. It’s just part of the whole process and a story where I will someday look back and never regretted doing… better off than not experiencing any.

**Photo below has no relation or whatsoever with this post. This was taken during Earth Hour (28/03/2009 9.17pm) when I stopped by at Waterfront. Quiksilver participated but Esprit didn’t. Drove around Likas, Luyang, Tjg Aru & KK to see how ‘caring’ our society is and the verdict …geez… most of us don’t really care.

My room is super-messy. I have cds, loads and loads of photos and albums, receipts, shoe boxes, printer manuals, coins and shirts lying here and there! (Astaga. Punya pemalas!). Didn’t manage to clear everything and get all the photos in order this past two, I mean three weeks so I dumped everything on the floor.. telling myself  “bisuk lah saya buat tu“.. my ‘bisuk‘ becoame ‘lusa‘ and ‘bisuk lusa‘. . and two weeks later… I still see my things lying on the same spot. Pathetic nih!

Mum came into the room telling me that one of my cuzzy’s his best friend died..:( Cuzzy got away but had several slashes and was admitted in the hospital. I was super-shocked to hear the news and first thing came into mind was what if I were in cuzzy’s shoe? (*touchwood*) .

Darnit. I just hope I cherish my friends well enough that I wouldn’t regret if anything happens! Palis-palis! The good thing is that I don’t take friends for granted (though I’m very bad at keeping contacts. Huhu) coz u never know when you will need them. Ihhh.. am going to check on my cuzzy.

Calling all FRIENDS!! Let us UNITE!! (Macam skinhead anthem pula saya nih.lol). Cheers mate!