It’s ‘bring-your-daughter-to-work” day.

I’m currently in my BFs workplace.  It felt weird. It felt like ‘bring your daughter to work” day. Hahaha. But in a whole different level. He’s next to me spinning, and I’m using the PC like no one’s business. Hahaha. It bugs me that somehow it felt like I’m invading his space. Disturbing him while he’s at work but dia yang suruhhh! lol. It’s his birthday tommorow (Err.. I mean today since its actually 12.30am ~ March 19 ) so it wouldn’t hurt to at least ‘kawan’ him, right? It’s Wednesday (err.. Thursday) and BED is quite pack. Didn’t manage to see how the floor is cause I’m way way up sitting very kuai2 in the console. LOL. Wait till the BF returns to his crib and be suprised!

I need to end my post now as the BF is becoming very -the-busybody to see what I’m writing.Buhbye peeps.

Haaaaa—Chooooww! Waaakkkk–Tuhh!

“Haaaaa—Chooooww! Wakkkk–Tuhh!” (Disgusting eh? Kihkihkihkih.Yes. It’s exactly how it sounded.)

I’m not feeling that well. My throat hurts badly. Been sneezing and blowing my nose for the past two hours (I look terrible with all the stack of toilet rolls and tissues on my bed and a trash basket right beside me ~ not the best sight ever). Had 30 minutes of sleep immediately after I reached home, hoping that I would magically get better…but demmit…nothing subside. Took Panadol and some antibiotics I found in the fridge (which belongs to dady I think) and crawled back to bed… taking with me the notebookie on one hand, tissues on my right hand, alternately sneezing, updating ALF and browsing through Lomography.com (yes. Lomo. I wanttttt!)

Mumy keeps questioning on why I did not go and see the ENT Dr when it would only take me less than 5 minutes to have a simple checkup and prescriptions. Exact sentences ~ “Kau kerja hospital begitu dekat pun susah kah mau pegi jumpa DR?!” (say it using your highest voice pitch peeps)

Mumy, the fact that I work in a hospital does not changed the fact that I HATE to ‘see’ any Drs even when I’m terribly sick. And mumy, you know you ALWAYS had to do a series of scolding to get me into the Dr’s room? And mumy, you know very well it annoys me and irritates me so much to LISTEN to your “M16-like-scolding” that I need to force myself to let you bring me to the Dr? Owh yes mumy…you’re a good mum…(even if you treat me like I’m still your 14 year old daughter maybe due to my lack of responsibilities. ROTFL! ~ Sometimes I would want to remind you that I’m already reaching mid 20s. Haha!)

I’m hungry. ..now if only I can get mum or bro to ‘sauk‘ nasi for me. lol.

~ demm you shuckers ~

“Thanks Retard!” ~ A ‘wonderful’ way on how my brother conveys his ‘gratitude’ when I helped him with his ironing. Not bad eh. Being called a retard has been a norm but only when it comes out from my big bro. (Read: it doesn’t give permission for anyone to call me a retard though… I’ll just smack you. lol.)

I took a day off from work last Saturday and boy, was I glad I applied for the leave! I was becoming super-restless of all the ongoing tasks and usual office politics. I knew for a fact that these crappy things are just what the majority of us have to go through…every single day…and deal with people who don’t seem to mind their own business. I refuse to be part of the whole ‘drama’, but did not verbally demonstrate any form of rebellion. It’s just a matter of listening to these ‘I-don’t-even-know-whether-this-is-true’ stories and keeping my mouth shut ~ abstaining from spitting out any comments which might later backfire. Agreeing or disagreeing with this ‘non-of-our-business’ nonsense is of no benefit. Every now and then, I feel my throat itching to just simply utter “why do you need to care when it doesn’t have anything to do with you?”…but being the usual ‘whatever lahh’ nature, I voted to remain passive…repeatedly swallowed my saliva and tell myself “why do I need to care?”…besides, I am in no position to create such commotion. Possibly, that’s the reason why others who has the same view as I prefer to be in deaf and mute mode ~ things would eventually stay the same-as-fuck milieu. Gosh. Nobody’s to blame I suppose. It’s a matter of surviving and trying very hard to get your job done with all the irrelevant disruptions and despite the usual tension of being ‘never-good-enough’. To think back, it ‘helps’ in striving to improve oneself. I’m becoming very “optimistic” when deep down in heart … all I want to say is “damnn you suckers!”. lol.

Becoming all-tensed up for at least three times a week which leads to fluctuating emotions is never good. I pity the BF who gets all the scolding (when it obviously has nothing to do with him) due to the highly volatile and explosive mood that I occasionally suffer from. He gets all the scolding for simply asking “What’s wrong? How can I help?” when he sensed that I was acting way differently … and I meanly replied with “What do you mean what’s wrong?? I’m ok. There’s nothing wrong!!”. Luckily I have someone who relents; otherwise it would turn out to be a fight. Funny eh…and it’s not even PMS. Adui…I feel bad.

**(sighs)…received no calls / texts for the past 3 hours. Just don’t get electrocuted with all the leaking**

Being temperamental.

Two weeks since my last post. I’ve been very much occupied with my other-half (which I gladly refer to as my ‘obsesi’), which I didn’t expect I would encounter this fast. The ‘recovery’ period I stupidly had to go through for the past few months before things started to get a lil’ bit better, gave me that sick, sick perception that I would be in such distress for maybe at least a longer duration of time. I lost the ‘I-am-always-optimistic’ side of me when the fuckin’ door suddenly slammed me right on the face (trying hard to reduce the profanity peeps ~ am taking advice from SAKC). I knew for a fact that the door was already wrecked but insisted on fixing it ~ insisted on being ignorant until I got slammed… I should however thanked ‘obsesi’ for making me realized that things do change… when we least expect it.

I am feeling a bit down, which I know is very normal from time to time. I cannot work out why this is happening as for this past one month, life seems to hold a better picture of mua’s future. Something I can live up to. It however gets very hard when I can confidently assured myself that “this can work…everything cliques”.. but I’ll be telling myself “this is too good to be true.. he might just leave someday…so why bother” , faster than you can say Massachusetts.  It’s like giving this a chance but ruining the whole thing ~ thanks to me.

I was getting all temperamental – I guess he figured by now that he encountered a very complicated kind. Warm one moment by being all affectionate and full of devotion, and unexpectedly turned out to be morosely cold with unexplainable passiveness. I remembered flipping through the pages of a chinese horoscope book belonging to Girllyen where it was described in my year of the Ox that I may become warm / cold at times ~ now I see the logic in it.

My fault. my Bad. My mistake.

“No Substitute Love” – Estelle

I couldn’t agree more with Estelle.

You know who it is
Oh boy Oh boy
I`m not your substitute lover (said I`m not)
Said boy Oh boy I`m not your substitute lover

I know it would have been nice if i could have had your body
Knowing that everybody ain`t been with you
but you told me lies you made me give my heart away
but now I know the games you play
So I`m thru with you

Oh boy oh boy
I`m not your substitute lover oh no
said boy oh boy i`m not your substitute lover oh no

You know there’s gonna be a fight if these chicks keep calling you at night
I see that text your tryin` to hide see I know the truth
must be outta your mind you thought you`d never see the day
you thought I’d let a player play but I’ma upgrade you, listen boy

Oh boy oh boy
I’m not your substitute lover oh no
said boy oh boy I`m not your substitute lover oh no

See there’s not much you can say
He said he’s done changed and I finished today
Coz I can’t do it no more I will be there when you call
so you best to move on (move on)
because I couldn`t be your substitute anymore

Listen, I see you called my name like I`m
goin outta fashion
And turn around and act like nothin’ ain’t happen
Like nar nothin’s crackin

Only when you need a chick
Only when you think about dis hotness you get itch
Thats when you get the itch, baby, let me be your bitch
Boy,who you think is bad gal,naa take dis

Actin like a little boy play me like a decoy
you need to grow a couple boy
you ain’t bout nothin’ boy

Oh boy oh boy
I’m not your substitute lover oh no
said boy oh boy I`m not your substitute lover oh no