♥ Unpredictable Pleasure ♥

~ I cried with jealousy. lmao. ~

I was supposed to join Girl and the rest of my hot-buds (Corn, Inden, Derrick, Ben & Yeye) for an outdoor session at Girl’s house in Telipok..but but but something came up..my uncle called to inform that Popo wants us all back in Tamparuli  for an early Chapgohmei family gathering lunch (Feb 8). I was a bit dissapointed though as I was looking forward to join my buddies that day but decided that Popo might not be happy if we didn’t go. Texted Girl to inform “Saya cancialll..tidak dapat datang oh” .I sighed and sighed and sighed. but owh well..there’s always next time.

Mumy was called to do OT and brother already had plans to go somewhere else. So I drove back to Tamparuli with dad sitting at the passenger seat halfway asleep. He woke up midway and started to give me few tips on driving. I was going >90km/ph and dady was repetitively asking me to slow down. There were very few cars on the road..the reason why I stepped on the accelerator a bit more…but slowed down as requested. Dad & I reached around 12pm and stayed on until 5pm. There were a lot of people, and each and everyone of them is my relative (according to infos by aunties and uncles ~ they were telling me how all of us were somehow connected, but being the usual me.. I don’t really remember how ..weak memory, I admit).. 60% of them are those I’m not familiar with; it’s like passing by a stranger during my Gaya Street walk on an early Sunday morning.

I had few drinks and I was sweating like no one’s business. I wasn’t drunk I guess but was damn sleepy. Went up to my cousin’s room to have a rest while texting that somebody.. Owh..I am so going to cut down on my beer intake.

~ Thanks Cupid. I’m gay. (as in happy.)~

Some things just happened..when you least expect it to take place… then it all comes in gradually..the feeling of having butterflies in your stomach, a sudden-beaming face and the irrepressible heartbeats, but minus the sweating palms. It felt good. It felt nice. It felt super-fine. But but but..it seems too good to be true. Everything seems to go so fine, everything falls in place and the future seem so certain. It was all perfectly-secured.

The past was left unrevealed tho. FYI, I don’t even have the slightest intention to know about your past~  I never knew about it before, so why should I fuckin care about it now. It doesn’t make any difference ~ It would just hurt my self-esteem (which I have very little of when it comes to this kind of issues). Tend to compare myself with another, trying to live up to whatever standards that I am not supposed to care about just to make sure everything goes on smoothly..obviously being a fake somebody.

When sentiments and sensations slowly figures out that fragile space it needs to fill,  suspicions and uncertainties kicks in. It’s like having an angel on your right and a devil on your left shoulders – being constant and trustworthy is like impossible..but possible at the same time.

So I stopped at the highway. Specifically..We stopped. and I thanked Cupid. For all the right and wrong reasons.