♥ Unpredictable Pleasure ♥

I have my badminton practice every Tuesday. I have in-house and outside talks, a blood donation drive that my boss and I have to take care of. I have to get ready for a dance performance with the girls for our GM’s farewell party. I have Insurance people calling me almost everyday to persuade me in joining them as an agent and getting an insurance agent licence! I have friends calling me up and asking me to go out for a drink but somehow, I kept giving them these excuses that I am either too busy or too tired. Well, some of them is pissed of. Sharon has been asking me for that meeting with her but I have procrastinate and she flew back to her University. I know she’s damn angry. Rachel came down to KK but I only replied her text msgs three days after receiving it. She was back in Sarawak already. I blame my self for my unforgivable attitude. The most sickening part was that Alvina called me just now. My phone vibrated, i saw her incoming call but did not picked up! Why? Because I was too embarrased that I did not show up for he wedding reception when she actually took the trouble of driving all the way down and delivering her wedding invitation card personally to me. My excuse was..something came up. Geez. The weird thing is that I have too much time to check on my phone to see if there’s any messages or calls from him! Uiseh. very teruk lah me this.

So I ask myself how am I going to make things better? Since my boyfriend (i don’t even know if its the right term to refer him as my boyfriend anymore) has been merayu-ing that I do not text or call him anymore; as in giving him the space he needs, I feel that I somehow know that we are not very strong anymore. So we made a deal out of it. I can only text or call him when he text or call me first. So, in another way, I am like the ‘pak turut’. Hahaha.. since I’m a girl, i call myself the ‘mak turut’?? I agreed on this deal, which i think is somehow strange but i told myself like every seconds to hold on to our deal. Fine. Fine. Since its very extremely hard for me to not text or call him (as I have been doing this every single day for the last 4 years), I came up with a few solutions.

1. I leave my hp at my room while I’m downstairs.
2. I keep myself bust AT ALL TIMES. Either buffing my nails, clean the house, surf the Net etc
3. When I’m holding my hp and suddenly feel this sick urge to text, i will draft out all these messages to him asking what he’s doing, sudah makan kah, miss me or not etc but leave them in my Draft items, but not sending it out. Woohoo. Pathetic eh.